Lost on sunday

I finally come to realise my reason for being here
Im not here searching myself, Im looking for the light in this city full of shadows.
But I can't seem to find it,as I let it slip away between my fingers

So I just keep walking this empty streets, Blind folded and alone
Guided by a map with no direction, and a compass without a sense of north.

As it is expected, I got lost and all I can seem to think about are her words "lose yourself, you will find yourself that way"; Such poetic and meaningful words
But for me they seem useless as I still can't seem to know what I am looking for.

So as the coward I am I came back to where I started, heart broken and alone, the same as I was some time ago.

And I just keep thinking; maybe Im stuck,and yes, I am stuck, I'm stuck in between how much I feel, and how much I am afraid to tell her how I feel.

I replay this scenario in my head over and over again, and how much could have been better, but instead of doing something, insted of taking action I hide on my shell of sadness and self disgust, get away to feel sorry for myself.

But I think i've spent enough time feeling like nothing, too much time wearing myself out, and I dont want to feel like this anymore.

But this loneliness won't leave my head, the fact that at the end of the day I just lay on my bed, with a shit ton of stress, sleepless and depressed, makes me feel like I am not worth less, and I can't seem to find some way to tell you that you take away my sadness but you also make me feel like im not enough, but I will keep coping with myself until I can give you something that is worth your love.

And I am sorry for being such a mess, but I still hope that you see that I'm trying my best.